Saturday, January 12, 2008

Revision of Ghost Pitch 1/9/08

This pitch is a combination of my favorite elements of Jenny's and Jeremy's stories. It's long but (hopefully) worth it. It's also purposely VERY specific, but as always, EVERYTHING is changeable. I decided to do a real post b/c it was too long for a comment.

//Backstory: (this is so you can picture the character and environment)

In 1915 Redrock Plateau, a retired mining and oil-drilling town, was made part of the Dry Dirt National Park. The people moved away from the town because their property was purchased by the government and it was now illegal to stay. The last to leave was Quentin Gruber (groober), the biggest procrastinator in the town. He was never getting his work done on time. Not only this, but he was a pack rat and had way too much stuff to move. Finally when he was ready to leave he was two weeks too late. As he was taking his last look at the town, a rusty oil pump broke and killed him, smashing him flat except for his hat which floated to safety. The government authorities came and did a search, but never found his body, only his hat, and so they declared him a missing person and marked the town as abandoned.

But Quentin's ghost never left because his body was still there and had never been buried.

Quentin became very lonely. For forty years he saw no one. The only thing he had for company was the lizards. But in 1955 the government came and paved the road that ran through town and a female park ranger started driving by once a day. He thought of the Park Ranger as his girl friend, although he knew they could never be together. He soon found a way to develop their relationship, however, because he discovered he could possess a lizard and throw items into the road that she would then smash into "ghost items" (if he placed them just right in the road) that he could then collect, just like he used to collect items in real life. It gave him a purpose to life and comforted him. He hoarded these ghost items into an abandoned barn that was his home now. Each day he littered the road with leftover items from the town and the park ranger would smash a few that he could add to his collection. Little did he realize that his life would soon change forever, because today he would make a big mistake.

//Title: Big Mistake
//Subtitle: His biggest mistake will haunt him forever.
//The setting is the town of Redrock Plateau, located at the top of the plateau. You can see forever from up there. The now-paved road goes straight through the center of town.
//3 characters 1 setting

A nondescript fly (sphere with wings) buzzes through the town. Past the creaking windmill, past the saloon doors that knock in the wind, past the empty corral littered with cow bones. It lands in the middle of town on a rock on the road. Then: Slurp! A lizard eats the fly. But the lizard is being stalked, too...by Quentin!

Quentin jumps into the lizard and squeezes his fat body inside the small creature until he's possessed it, then speeds inside a nearby building, returning with a pocketwatch that he throws into the road. Then he gets a small wooden child's toy. Then a fork whose prongs are bent. Then an old-fashioned, rusty top (the kind that cranks). All these things and more he puts in the road randomly, but purposely, as if he's trying to make some kind of abstract modern artwork on the road. Finally he depossesses the lizard (who walks away like he's drunk and passes out) and waits eagerly in ghost form...but for what?

Enter Park Ranger in her original series Hummer. She smashes the first stuff which *poofs* into ghost items. Quentin checks them out and his happy and flies them into the barn. Park Ranger drives more through town hitting more stuff until the last thing she hits is the fork in the road and *pop* her tire goes out and her car goes out of control! Quentin must then save her because she's headed for a cliff! He possesses her, cranks the wheel, but makes things worse! Oh no! The centrifugal force pulls on Quentin and he starts to get pulled out of the Ranger and, in the stress of the situation, he begins to flicker into reality and they have a wonderful, intimate moment as their eyes meet for the first time, she checks him out, he checks her out, there's lightning between them.

And then Quentin gets pulled out of her and she goes off the cliff and her car blows up. We see Quentin's reactions from the explosions (but not the explosions themselves). He's mortified. His only friend in the whole world he just killed!

But as he walks away, her ghost floats up from behind the cliff and waves. Hi handsome! They both light up in a big smile and the short ends.

3 comments:

Rachel said...

Hm, interesting. I like how the two stories have been combined, but I do have a couple questions, for discussion:

- Do we expect to enlighten the audience of the backstory, or is that just for our benefit? Only reason I ask is because the main story does stand OK on its own and the backstory would be hard to compress and still be able to have a 2 minute or less short.

- The whole "flickering into reality" thing seems kinda forced and the logic behind it makes more sense in written narration than it would visually. Maybe he can be seen by mortals, it's just that he's always hidden to avoid scaring her.

I also want to mention that I'm not sure why we feel we have to rewrite the entire concept we voted on Wednesday. That story does have some kinks to work out, but it's kinda what the development period is for. I feel that by changing the idea again, we're giving up too easily... as well as nullifying a lot of character concepts that people have been working on this weekend.

Abbey Ash said...

It's a great fusion of the two stories but I'm a little bored at the end when the guy gets the girl. That's a little cliche. It also feels a little student filmy to me, but since the refining the story comes later, I don't think it's too much to worry about.

I'm a huge fan of having a great location, though. And I'd prefer old west (or even better, Ireland :D ) over an ambiguous, character-lacking location. Location can help us design and refine. But that also can be decided later.

We probably don't need to be this concerned over the story just yet. Let's get some amazing designs out and see what happens.

Rogan said...

I don't know if I'd call this a "combined" version. This sounds like Jeremy's version all over again, and I think we voted on Jenny's version.